Wednesday, February 04, 2009

To close for comfort

You know you go along in life and you worry about your family and you worry about yourself and each and every day passes by so quickly you hardly have time to wonder what happens/happened to other family members.
I was playing on the computer tonight, Mr Gab is working the over night shift (even though he is suppose to be resting before surgery tomorrow.)When noticed the little box in the corner announcing a new email. Well the title caught my attention so I opened it under another screen, so that I could keep playing. But after opening it I went back to the other screen where I was playing and told my friends that I had to leave, a family member had died.
Now mind you this is my uncle who passed. But see the thing of it is he was my mom's brother. And there are many memories from my childhood about this uncle and my mom. And well, hell the tears started and memories of my mom flooded into my head and memories of this uncle and it seemed I just couldn't stop crying.
Once I did stop I started to think gee when uncles and aunts of your parents start to die and then of course your own parents (although my dad is still hanging in there) You realise that wow your also getting up there and you are starting to look at that end of things. Yes, yes, yes I know that you can die at any given moment in time be you a child- teenager- young adult- middle aged or elderly. But for some reason this uncles passing just brought that so much closer to mind. I'm not a young person any more. Oh yeah I act young and that I don't wanna grow up I'm a toys are us kid is running through my mind alot. But I have also realised that I'm getting slower,forgetful,wrinkled, have to wear glasses for reading, and hurt in places I never knew I had. And that old saying about falling apart when your older has really hit home.A cousin I havent talked to in ages Ive talked to tonight. And why? It was her dad. I tried to keep in touch with some of these family members but like I said you worry about your family yourself and well time just flies by.
I hate the thought that Im going to be seeing these cousins only because of a death. And you know I really hate funerals. But I will go because I loved my uncle and he will be dearly missed. Funny thing is I was just wondering how he was doing. Now I know.

2 comments:

BTExpress said...

I get the same feeling when I read that someone my age or younger has died.

My condolences on your loss my friend.

Walker said...

I'm sorry for you loss .
I started thinking about our mortality a few years ago when my fathers brother died and last year we lost ten family members, one being my father's sister.
My biggest fear about all of this is that i will become insensitive because of the shear numbers of people passing away or being consumed by death that i stop living and replace it with worry.

I think we should juast accept it as a fact of life and morn our losses with memories of happier times then move on.