I JUST DONT KNOW

Long time ago when I was a little girl, and even before then, it was customary for the man to take care of his wife. He went to work made the money, she stayed home & cared for the house & kids. Then women got a little Independence and they went out to work. Now a days both husband & wife need to work to make ends meet. Leaving the poor kids who either were lucky to have family care for them or day care. I have heard more than once "I really don't know my mom and dad, they always are at work."
I had a girlfriend who lived down the street who's dad went to jail because her mom had wrote bad checks. Every night her mom hit the bars and it was not unusual for he to bring home an "uncle". My parents drank when I was real little, I know this for a fact because I have seen home movies of it. But after my sister D was born I never seen them with a drink of liquor. Many days and nights she was at our house. I never thought our house was considered normal but to her it was. My dad went to work everyday came home every night. We had supper together most nights. We took family vacations together and a lot of times included her. When her dad came home from jail when she was in high school,Her mom stayed home but now both her parents were drinking. There were many nights they were passed out by 5pm. One night all that was in the house for her to make to eat was a box of butterscotch pudding,so many nights she would call and ask if she could come and eat with us. She would leave a note and come over but when she got home her parents were usually in the same spot she left them. When her parents died she kinda drifted. I heard she got married and had some kids, but then I also heard her husband was arrested for trying to kill a neighbor, and her kids were taken away. I haven't heard about her or from her in a long time. Sometimes she pops into my mind and I wonder what ever happened to her. My family had problems but I was truly lucky.

Family

I am not a product of divorce. But I am a product of being second family. My father was married before he married my mom. So I have half siblings. One of each. Sister & brother. When I was younger, and the only child when someone said do you have any sisters or brothers I would say Yes I have a half sister and a half brother. Then they would say oh that's funny one side boy the other side girl. I'd get mad and say no two people but they are my have sister and half brother. But of course they would just tease me more.
Our family is very dysfunctional, long before dysfunctional families were recognised.
In fact I think we started that term. DYSFUNCTIONAL!
Dad and mom and his first wife and the first kids compared to the second kids.
We didn't understand that we were the lucky ones. We got to live with our parents both of them. Where they had to live with their mom and just "visit" their dad. How that must have felt? I know none of us knew how they really felt. But now as a grown up I know somewhat how they felt. Jealous, envious. Why should we get to be with our dad and not them. Oh they tried to live with us once. and the way I seen it it was ok. But then my sister was born with all her problems and their mom thought it was to much for my mom to handle plus her kids so she moved them back home again. Dad didn't see them every other weekend, because she moved them to Florida then to Colorado.
I heard my dad bad mouth his first wife,many many times. My mom never said anything I think my dad was saying it all. Mom never really spent any time with her so I don't think she knew her enough to call her any bad names.
My mom passed in 1996. Their mom passed in 1998. But before she died, Mr Gab and I went down to see my brother and we ended up staying with his mom. And do you know what I learned? She was a really nice lady. I asked her a few questions about my dad and she really didn't want to say anything bad about my dad. Now can you imagine this is a woman who had to put up with a lot of abuse from my own father and she didn't want to say anything bad about him? But I told her I knew all about dad and anything she told me would only confirm what I already knew. So she told me and yes that was all I already knew.
I learned then that no matter what families are family and should stick together. I've always had a strong connection to my brother and we've always been very close. My sister(older) I hardly know. Mainly because she has been in the witness protection program. I love her but I just don't know her.
And I also feel bad that My sisters and I got to be with both of our parents one being their dad. Had things been different where I had been the product of divorce like them I dont know if I could have shared my dad like they did.
I'm just sorry we didnt have both of the same parents to grow up with.