Sunday, January 06, 2008

Family

I am not a product of divorce. But I am a product of being second family. My father was married before he married my mom. So I have half siblings. One of each. Sister & brother. When I was younger, and the only child when someone said do you have any sisters or brothers I would say Yes I have a half sister and a half brother. Then they would say oh that's funny one side boy the other side girl. I'd get mad and say no two people but they are my have sister and half brother. But of course they would just tease me more.
Our family is very dysfunctional, long before dysfunctional families were recognised.
In fact I think we started that term. DYSFUNCTIONAL!
Dad and mom and his first wife and the first kids compared to the second kids.
We didn't understand that we were the lucky ones. We got to live with our parents both of them. Where they had to live with their mom and just "visit" their dad. How that must have felt? I know none of us knew how they really felt. But now as a grown up I know somewhat how they felt. Jealous, envious. Why should we get to be with our dad and not them. Oh they tried to live with us once. and the way I seen it it was ok. But then my sister was born with all her problems and their mom thought it was to much for my mom to handle plus her kids so she moved them back home again. Dad didn't see them every other weekend, because she moved them to Florida then to Colorado.
I heard my dad bad mouth his first wife,many many times. My mom never said anything I think my dad was saying it all. Mom never really spent any time with her so I don't think she knew her enough to call her any bad names.
My mom passed in 1996. Their mom passed in 1998. But before she died, Mr Gab and I went down to see my brother and we ended up staying with his mom. And do you know what I learned? She was a really nice lady. I asked her a few questions about my dad and she really didn't want to say anything bad about my dad. Now can you imagine this is a woman who had to put up with a lot of abuse from my own father and she didn't want to say anything bad about him? But I told her I knew all about dad and anything she told me would only confirm what I already knew. So she told me and yes that was all I already knew.
I learned then that no matter what families are family and should stick together. I've always had a strong connection to my brother and we've always been very close. My sister(older) I hardly know. Mainly because she has been in the witness protection program. I love her but I just don't know her.
And I also feel bad that My sisters and I got to be with both of our parents one being their dad. Had things been different where I had been the product of divorce like them I dont know if I could have shared my dad like they did.
I'm just sorry we didnt have both of the same parents to grow up with.

5 comments:

barman said...

Divorce, no matter how you look at it is not easy on the kids. Thank goodness I was spared this. I must say I admire the woman that would not speak ill of your Dad. I really think that is the way it should be. Let the children find out what they will and make their own conclusions.

So glad you and Mr GAB turned out the way you are.

Walker said...

The only loosers in a divorce are the kids but divorce is a common occurance today.
Maybe if parents could learn to get along better after it wouldn't be so bad.

Great post

Little Wing said...

Good post Gab.
You said it well.

SignGurl said...

Wow, you really were lucky. Being a child of divorce, I'm here to tell you that it's sooo hard.

BTExpress said...

My mom and dad divorced when I was about 12. Neither bad mouthed the other, which was a blessing for us kids and what all divorced couples should do. I lived with both also. I lived with my mom until she couldn't handle me anymore. I was in the 9th grade. Then I moved in with my father and his second wife. FYI, she was the woman my dad was having an affair with before the divorce. She left her husband to marry my dad. Can you say disfuctional too? LOL