Sunday, November 09, 2008


Hey every one how are you today? Me I've got a cold that just won't quit!
But that is not the reason for this post.
First I ask a question, Have you ever had someone whom you loved that has passed? A mom, dad, sister, brother, wife, husband? or any other loved one?
Do you celebrate their birthdays after they are gone? No I don't mean a big fancy party or anything like that. Maybe just a quiet meal with other family members where you talk about old times good and bad? Or do you just remember in your own way by yourself?

Well, that's what I did on Friday. I did a post but I didn't mention that it was my mom's birthday on Friday and if she was alive she'd be celebrating 76 years. Its still hard for me to believe that our mom is gone. She only got to see her first great grandson for a whole year before she passed. But during that year she was so sick that I know she didn't get to enjoy any special time with him. At the same time my youngest sister had had her third child a daughter who was born 4 months before my grandson. So here she had two new members a new granddaughter and a great grandson and she was very sick. I know she tried in that last year to be a little part of their lives even though they were really to young to remember it. But it was hard for her to. Knowing as she did that she had lots to live for but that she wasn't going to make it. My daughter T was her only granddaughter for the longest time and now she finally had a second granddaughter. And her oldest granddaughter gave her her first great grandchild!
The thing is Friday was her birthday and yes I was busy with my life and grand kids and yes I remembered it I just wanted it to be a quiet day that was just for me to remember some of the things that I shared with my mom. Silly things, stupid things and OMG did I just do that, whats mom gonna say?
So I let the day pass quietly and did my own thing and thought of my mom all day long, and decided that I would post a little about her later when I was all done having her to myself(in a sense that day)as Im sure my sisters also had her in their thoughts that day too, as well as the rest of our family probably did.
It's really hard to say good bye to the ones you love especially when taken so young. And it makes it even harder when it happens around the holidays. I have vowed every year to try and keep traditions going and every year it gets harder and harder to do. Its to the point where I no longer want to even cook the Thanksgiving meal or the Christmas meal. It's like I would rather just take the time to be with my family so that one day they dont have to say I wish I had spent more time with mom/grandma at Thanksgiving/Christmas rather that her cooking and I come eat and go. Today I sit and think why is it so important to make a big holiday meal just to get family together and talk and maybe even disagree some and then go away till the next holiday? We are to busy in the kitchen preparing this big ole meal, then we are in the kitchen cleaning up and where or where did the time go? Why dont we have just a simple meal and then spend the rest of the day together and make memories?
But I know already I will be in the kitchen making that meal and sharing some family time.


BTExpress said...

I just let the birthdays, anniversaries, etc. pass quietly. My dad has been gone for over 10 years, so talking about him is pretty easy now. I find it more difficult talking about my wife who passed three years ago or visiting her grave. It is getting easier though. At least now I don't always tear up when I talk or blog about her.

You can prepare the side dishes, desert and the stuffing ahead of time and then put them in the microwave to heat up. That just leaves the turkey to cook on the holiday. The unstuffed turkey cooks a lot faster, which means you don't have to get up so early to get it ready for meal time.

barman said...

My Grandma died and although I miss her, I was not super close to her. My Grandpa died when I was to young. I hardly remember him at all. I have had Aunt's and Uncles dye but no one in the immediate family so far so no I have not had someone I really love die. Still I know what you are talking about. Here is the real strange little thing I do.

You remember Princess Diana? She just so happened to be born on July 1. Our friends, the Bryan's (whom I was named after) had a daughter, Lynn, that was also born on July 1. They shared the hospital room when both Lynn and I were born.

Well Diana died over 11 years ago. And our friends daughter Lynn died at least 5 years ago, most likely longer. Well one little thing I do is try and remember them on our birthday. Several years in there I had a muffin or cupcake and put a candle in it, light it, and... It is just my way of remembering.

I do not know if it is best to remember like you do or try and just move on somehow but it sounds like a wonderful thing to do. I would like to think I would do the same with my Mom or Dad when their time comes.

As to the dinner, it would be nice to still continue the tradition but maybe you can hand off some of it. Can others bring dishes? Can you scale back some on the dinner? Maybe you can fry a Turkey (if anyone has a turkey fryer) and then cook a smaller turkey which takes less time to cook. Maybe you can drop some dishes. Maybe you can bake a pie rather than making from scratch.

I would just hate to see the tradition end. But at the same time it is important that we have a chance to gather as a family and enjoy the time together. Something that you are not able to do as much as you like when you are in the kitchen. I would say almost say go out to eat but it is not the same thing at all.

Anyway I think that holidays are important because we do not find the time to get together often enough and at least a holiday helps that happen. We have a very small family but we do the same. For the most time we do not get together other than for the holidays and birthdays. It is a shame we do not do more but I would so much miss not doing at least that. It will help build memories in the future to look back on.

Great post Gab. I know I took it in the wrong direction but I guess it just kind of hit home somewhat to me.

*hugs* to my friend who Mom just had a birthday. Hang in their Gab.

Walker said...

I think its just one piece of them that helps us remember them one more time.
I haven't lost anyne that close but a few friends who I remember when a month rolls around marking when they died,

Happy Birthday to your mom I know she will get a kick out of you remebering her birthday

G-Man said...

Yeah Gale, I remember my Moms Birthday. She has been gone since 1977, she died when she was 49..
Forever Young!!

SignGurl said...

How sweet of you to take the time to remember your mom. I know she's still watching over you.