Friday, November 16, 2007

WE MISS YOU MOM

It's been 11 years ago today that our mom has passed. I remember the day well. But lets go back a few days. Lets go back to Nov 7th 1996. My Mom's birthday.
She called me to tell me that they were admitting her into the hospital. I asked why and she said she didn't know why, but she had had a nose bleed and they were having problems stopping it. So I told her I was coming out there to the hospital. I called Mr Gab and told him and he agreed that I had better go. I told our kids and then I got into my car and drove like a maniac praying that nothing would happen to my mom before I got there.
When I arrived at the hospital and found her room I found the doctor talking to my mom and dad about the fact that mom was not going to be leaving the hospital. I walked in and they all got quiet. When the doctor left the room I went after him to ask what I had missed. He told me that he just told mom and dad that mom would not be leaving the hospital. I didn't cry, but I was angry.
I went back into the room and dad was talking about he had better go home and make some supper for himself and that he would be back the next day.
I told him ok, but I wasn't going any where I was staying with mom. He questioned it but went home by himself. That afternoon mom and I talked about what a way to spend a birthday and her first born great grandson and my sister's newest baby. My sister already had 2 boys and this pregnancy brought her a girl. With this baby mom now had 2 granddaughters instead of one, our daughter. My sister's baby had just turned 1 in August. My new grandson was just days away turning 1, Nov 10th. Then when it finally quiet down in the hospital mom and I got serious. She told me she wanted to go home. She wanted to die at home if that was her fate....dying. I told her that she should be able to do what she wanted to do that they should respect what she wants. I told her the next morning I would talk to her doctor about her going home.
About then a nurse came in and I asked her a question, how hard would it be for me to care for my mom. Well she really didn't want to say but I told her I was a NAR and was on a break because of hurting my back, but at this point in time I was doing well. She said it probably could be done. I left the room after awhile and called Mr Gab to update him and to talk over my next idea. I would stay and care for mom, no matter how long. He agreed.
The next morning though I wanted to kill the nurse. My dad had gotten there about 6am. Mom and I had talked off and on all night and I really just wanted to rest but dad is a early riser. So he was there and while I tried to catnap they talked. Then this nurse came in.......NOW mind you I being a NAR knew the ethics code "Don't talk about the patients condition in front of them"! But this nurse came into the room and right in front of my mom said to my dad and me......"Have you made funeral arraignments yet"? I looked at my mom and all the colour had drained from her face and the light that was in her eyes just seconds ago was gone.....I knew right then mom gave up her fight. I yelled at her to get the hell out and don't come back ever. Then I went to the front desk and demanded not to ever see that nurse near my mom's room again while she was there. They asked why and I told them and with in seconds we had a new nurse. When the doctor came in I asked if mom could go home. He said only with a round the clock nurse at our expense. I told him about myself being a NAR and wanted to know if I could be her nurse if they gave me some instructions. He said yes. But they wanted us to get a hospital bed before she went home. Well, saying is easier than doing. After all options had been exhausted they finally agreed to let her go home. They had contacted a home nurse to come that afternoon to teach me what I needed to know and do. It turned out I already had experience's with most of what they needed me to know so it was easy.
They got mom settled in and I got settled in in my old bedroom. About a month and a half before one of the cats mom and dad had had kittens. They were very frisky and playful. 2 were tiger grey and blacked striped and 2 were white. One of the white ones was really puffy like a cotton ball and (yes you got it) that's the one I now have. Puff. Well believe it or not puff was the runt, and the other cats picked on him. So while I was there taking care of mom during the day, at night I was saving Puff. I would pick him up off the floor away from the others and put him up atop of my head and told him to stay there he would be safe. And he was because for some reason the other kittens were either afraid to climb the bed or me. lol
So during the week at nights my sister C would come over and spend time with mom. And every day mom slipped farther and farther away.On Thursday mom started to talk with her mom and her brother both who had passed and told them to wait for her don't leave without her. That scared me.
On Friday mom was breathing extremely fast. So when the home nurse called I told her about it. She said to me. Well, it won't be much longer now, she said when they start breathing fast then its usually mean within the next 48 hours they pass. That night as I sat talking to my mom, with tears silently running down my cheeks I told mom it was ok to let go she could go and be at peace. I told her that I would rather her stay here with us all but if she needed to go then just let go and go that we would all be fine. I sat with her all night long.
At 10 minutes to 6 the next morning, when I knew my dad would be up soon I went to bed. Dad came and asked me about her breathing and I said yes she had been that way all night long and I had been up with her all night and I was going to sleep for a few hours then get back up. I told him all her meds were already given and I had changed her tubes so she would be ok until I got up again.
Seems like I just closed my eyes when dad came and woke me up to tell me he thought she was gone. I jumped up looked at the clock and seen that it was now 8 am. I ran into her room and checked and yes she was gone. The rest of the day was a nightmare.
My mom was gone. She was my mom,my friend,my confidante, my salvation when I was a wreak. I was lost. As I know my sister was.
To some of you , you know what I was feeling ,to others you have no idea either because your mom is still here or you are not very close to your mom. But to even try to tell you so that you would understand is impossible.One thing I wish you all would do, If your mom is still here on this earth call her talk to her and tell her you love her. Do it now. Because you never know when it will be her last day here on earth. do it before its too late.
I was distraught. I couldn't stop crying. Even though I knew it was coming I just cried and cried. We tried to continue on like normal. But it was very hard. We did Thanksgiving that year like nothing had happened same with Christmas. But it was difficult and soon we went our separate ways. It wasn't a choice that I like but with so many of us in our family and no ones house big enough to hold us all, we just separated. I usually try to go up the day after both holidays to spend with my dad but if weather is bad I will wait a day or two.
But one thing that doesn't change is my sister and I will talk on these special days. And I try to make one if not two items my mom made at Thanksgiving and Christmas. This is one of my ways of carrying on my mom's traditions.
Its my way of saying I love you mom and miss you very much.

4 comments:

lime said...

peace and comfort to you on this day.

barman said...

Sad story but I am glad your Mom was able to leave as she had wanted. I can not imagine when my Moms time comes.

Take acer and I love the way you are remembering your Mom. Very nice.

SignGurl said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I make sure I talk to my mom at least once a day, every single day. I don't know what I'd do without her.

Walker said...

I would have slapped the teeth out of that nurse's mouth.

I think you did the right thing and those last few weeks were probably the most important ones to your mother and you.

If you got to go then it should be surrounded by those who love you and not a bunch of strangers.